Hope your well

JBP - I want you to know.
I am not going to try to lay any guilt trip on you, although I seriously want to.
But that is not me.
I do want you to realize and know my heart is in turmoil for you. How can it not be.
This is not what I had envisioned for you. But that was my vision and not yours.

I know your a young man now and you make your own choices in your life.
I want you to know I will always!always love you no matter what you choose to do or how you choose to live your life.

There will never be any variance in that. Ever.

I can not admit that I am okay with a couple of the choices you have made and I wish I could of done something or could turn back a clock and make it different, but as you know I am a realist and will accept your decisions.

I can also understand the choices you have made. I am sorry that this is the way it is.
I am so full of misgivings about how "things" are now as versus "how it was" and I wish you could of "been when I was" instead of now.
Things wouldn't be going down this path if that were the case.
I am not sorry for birthing you. Never. You have brought me so much joy and light. I am in love with you and who you are. What more could any mother ask for?

I love you so deeply and I want you to be happy. That is all I want. I know my ideas of what constitutes happiness are different than yours. I will accept this.
I will not turn my back on you.
I will always be here for you no matter what.
I want you to know this. I know you will read this if you get a chance and since I am rarely hearing from you I thought this would be okay.
Your gems have not arrived btw. :(