dreams

another one of those dreams tossing eggs at pans cooking at 'the resort'
i'm frozen as the door opens and loads of people rush in yelling orders towards the counter.
I can't - move - feels like trying to walk against a hard surf.
I can't - make a decision.
ka - blam - o -
all sudden - im running full-on crazy trying to do it all and of course ..
there's Kenny fretting away in the corner.
absolutely had to make myself wake up.

more on dreams

i dreamt of susan again - she comes to me tall, blonde, looking great and happy.
she would be 30 this last mother's day. don't know why i still dream of her off and on. i wish she were here.

had another chase dream. same house dark and gloomy with a narrow staircase up. trying to get my brothers away from this "thing" that we can't see. we know it's chasing us toward the staircase. there's just no way i'm going to take them up there, something up there is worse than what is chasing us. i hate them, i make myself wake up and have to tell myself it's just a dream. wake in panic and it takes me a couple of hours to get it out of my head.

another is fighting with jacob the way my brothers and i used to fight.
i laugh at those now but back then it was intense. the time i finally broke the "hands off" barrier we had between us and threw that bell from the camel bench stool, almost hitting tim in the eye, still makes me shudder. boy could we fight - the three of us.