Khazeray

Habanero surprize

2011-07-10T22:28:00.003-05:00

My mistakenly planted habanero is prolific.
Picked a few early ones and made Habarnero pepper jelly. Sure, it's hot but the burn is short-lived and the flavor of the pepper came through. Nice.

It's just plain ole doggone

2011-07-10T10:15:00.001-05:00

hot, muggy, humid, sultry, like a sauna, can hardly walk the air is so thick.
Did I mention it's Hot!

loss and process

2011-06-24T15:14:00.001-05:00

losing a son
coping or not
my heart shattered
tears pain everyone moves on but me
his smile his eyes his essence

Alzhiemers

2009-07-19T03:06:00.002-05:00

I want to relate my experiences of taking care of people with Alzheimer. Especially one.

Right now I am with an 89 yr old woman (she will kick my butt ... two months she will be 90) that is just one of the sweetest ladies you could meet. And when I say "Lady". She is.
She has been round these parts all of her life. She has family all up and down the hills and dales. And the corn and the tobacco fields as well. Oh and cotton.

This lady was born and bred in these parts. Went to the old Triune Academy, bought a grocery store in College Grove, dated her husband for 9 yrs before marrying him for Petes sake. This is one grand lady.
I won't tell you her name because I respect her privacy.
But this woman is .. WOW. The stories I can coax out of her when her mind is clear.. just blows my mind. She went to ice cream socials with her first cousin every chance they got. They hung out together and got into all kinds of mischief. Hay rides, Church revivals, Sunday church socials.. didn't matter if they had an invite there or not.

This wonderful lady remembered everyone's birthday and had a card with a 5 dollar bill that many! to this day still have in their possession. She has been going to the same hair dresser for over 25 yrs now. Before that? she went to one hair dresser for 20 yrs.!
When you go into town with her... Everyone stops to say "Hi Miss M..." How are you" This woman was a corner stone for lives that have come and gone.
She has a delightful daughter and 3 "not to shabby Grandsons".
This woman is special and it pours out of her with her love for everyone she meets.
It doesn't matter that now with her Alzheimer she doesn't "Quite" know who you are. This woman's love for her friends and past customers and neighbors is unending!.
She thinks of and is concerned about each and every person she comes into contact with.
This rare quality is a time gone by. A time of making sure your neighbors had help when the barn burned down. A time when the kids next street over .. even when Daddy wasn't making the money to feed the kids. those kids were fed.
I feel privileged to have her in my life.

Small Towns

2009-07-19T02:48:00.003-05:00

I've said it before. I say it again. Living in a small town and trying to maintain your privacy is ... HELL.
Who Are You.
Who Is Your Kin.
I've Never Heard Of Them.
No, I didn't go to Triune High School in 1950, no I didn't go to Eagleville High school in 1990.. although my children unfortunately did.
Vice Principle Holton at the time was hell on wheels. Now that she is Principle I am thankful my children are long gone. Can't recount the times I spent in her office arguing with her about the difference between the need to educate or bathe the kids coming out of the tobacco fields. Both equally balanced in importance of the times ... Hers just happened to be 30 yrs ago.

Well... yeah I imagine you haven't heard of me, since I've only lived here 20 yrs and I damn well protect my privacy.

Gardening

2009-05-19T09:47:00.002-05:00

Made up two 4x8 raised beds using these instructions from The Pioneer Woman. I combined the raised bed with a square foot gardening system. (I only made mine one board high. Had to be frugal with the dirt.)

One bed has been planted with vegetables, herbs and flowers, the other is sitting empty till I get more top soil together.

With all the rain we have had here in Middle Tennessee, I was worried my seed would rot in the ground. Nope. It's coming along nicely. This I believe is because they are sitting up higher in the raised bed and draining.

I have peas along the back North side in half of the bed, zucchini and yellow long neck squash in the other half. Then coming South is one tomato, one bell pepper, oregano and parsley.
Then beets, carrots, lemon thyme, sweet basil.
Then! garlic, spinach and cosmos.

While my neighbors seed rotted in the ground. My garden is growing like a huge weed.
Daily I pull any weeds and check for insects.

Can hardly wait to start harvesting.

Rain, Vegetables, Herbs, New Grass annnnd New Gutter!

2009-05-14T09:32:00.001-05:00

need I say more?

Bee Buzzed

2009-04-04T06:29:00.003-05:00

Looking forward to starting up Bee Keeping next year.
Have ordered a couple of catalogs:
Betterbee-Beekeeping supplies
Dadant
Reading a book:
The New Complete Guide to Beekeeping
And! getting my backyard ready to plant bee friendly.
So far, the last week has been spent cutting, hauling and burning brush. TN is great for plants. Sigh.
Bought Benadryl to stop the poison ivy reaction I am having. The creme and the pill form. Forgot the pill makes me so sleepy I need to be horizontal before I take one.

BOTB Nashville, TN 01/18/09

2008-12-30T08:11:00.003-06:00

Catch my son and his band Awake in the Grave at the Muse in Nashville 01/18/09

Grand-daughter Ollie - to cute!

2008-12-27T12:44:00.004-06:00

Happiness

2008-08-15T18:59:00.003-05:00

"Happiness, sought by many and found by few ... is a matter entirely within ourselves; our environment and the everyday happenings of life have absolutely no effect on our happiness except as we permit mental images of the outside to enter our consciousness.
Happiness is wholly independent of position, wealth, or material possessions. It is a state of mind which we ourselves have the power to control - and that control lies within our thinking.

Claude M. Bristol

I'm on a quote kick watch out!

Philosophy logic

2008-07-28T18:24:00.001-05:00

"God is Dead." -Nietzsche

"Nietzsche is dead." -God

"Therefore, Nietzsche is God." -Plato

found - Blame it on the Voices

Got Pooh?

2008-07-07T09:26:00.001-05:00

"Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully.

"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever."

"And he has Brain."

"Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain."

"I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands Anything."

-- The Tao of Pooh

Overloaded Mailbox

2008-06-19T13:00:00.003-05:00

FREE STUFF
Visit Daily - Stand back when you go to get your mail.

Free Stuff Friend

Free Grabber

Mommy Savers - Samples, Freebies, & Offers

Wal-Mart - Free Samples

Ollie - My Beautiful Granddaughter

2008-06-13T11:56:00.003-05:00

Heaven in one bite

2008-05-29T11:26:00.000-05:00

NM COOKIES (Recipe may be halved)

2 (500 ml) cups butter
24 oz. (680 g) chocolate chips
4 (1000 ml) cups flour
2 (500 ml) cups brown sugar
2 tsp. (10 ml) (Bicarb) soda
1 tsp. (5 ml) salt
2 (500 ml) cups sugar
18 oz. (500 g) Hershey Bar (grated). (Cadbury chocolate for
Australians & South Africans)
5 (1250 ml) cups blended oatmeal
4 eggs
2 tsp. (10 ml) baking powder
2 tsp. (10 ml) vanilla
3 cups (375 ml) chopped nuts (optional)

Measure oatmeal, and blend in a blender to a fine powder.
Cream the butter and both sugars.
Add eggs and vanilla, mix together with flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder, and Bicarb (soda).
Add chocolate chips, Hershey Bar, and nuts.
Roll into balls, and place two inches apart on a cookie sheet.
Bake for 10 minutes at (180 °C) 375 degrees.

The above quantities make 112 cookies.

attitude

2008-05-28T20:08:00.001-05:00

Life is all about choices.

When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice.

You choose how you react to situations.

You choose how people affect your mood.

You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood.

The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life.

Attitude is Everything

furry happy monsters

2008-05-15T11:57:00.000-05:00

He is here !

2008-04-13T10:43:00.000-05:00

6.9 lbs - 19.5 in - Meiko Densmore Peirce (Sam)- April 9th, 08

He is beautiful!
Will post pics soon as the kids upload them.

Re-thinking yourself

2008-03-12T07:39:00.000-05:00

Joseph LeDoux, a neuroscientist at New York University and perhaps the world's leading expert on emotional memory, has found that whenever we bring to mind a strong emotional memory and think about it differently than we had before, it actually gets chemically recorded in the brain in a whole new way. A process of introspection can actually change the way that memory is imprinted on our brains, providing a neural basis to lasting changes in our behaviors and habits of mind.

And just as our relationships with our parents shape our neural circuitry, so too can our adult relationships help rewire us for connection and security. Siegel points out that our relationships as adults can "reparent" us. For example, if someone who was not given a secure base in childhood marries someone who was, research shows that that shaky person will gradually become more secure.

"Research absolutely demonstrates that if you take the time to make sense of what happened to you, then you can free yourself up to develop your own sense of security inside of you, and also have children who have a secure attachment to you", says Siegel. It's a hopeful message: No matter what happened to us in childhood, we never stop growing.

Greater Good

Ohne Dich

2008-02-06T12:50:00.000-06:00

Black

2008-02-04T21:20:00.001-06:00

essence

2008-01-20T23:45:00.000-06:00

i need you to understand
how much you taught me.
of being.
of lust
of quiet being
of self
of understanding
of longing
of rejection
of self
of joy
of sexual satisfaction
and how much i gave up of myself in order to wait.
for a thing that was never mine to begin with.
and what that taught me of "being"

how much i wanted to delve into this being of you. and learn. and not understanding why i couldn't. and crying and begging and you not understanding this need, this insane need.
like a part of myself that was missing. an essential part of myself that i thought only you could teach me to be whole. and as unfair, as it was and is, of me to ask. i still want to be on my knees to beg you to teach me. the essence of you. "although i doubt you even know what that is. to be honest does anyone?"

and how insane this need of mine is. how I've tried to let go of you and the "my" thoughts of you, go. and how it isn't going to happen for me. how this matter of age that i think is the problem but really it isn't it is just "i'm not for you" in your mind.

i know it's not workable. i knew, i know. i knew. but can you? blame me for wanting the elixir of my being? the desire.

even if you destroy me in the process, i was and am willing to accept that.
talk about giving up self.

And life goes on.

AnYa and Xa

2007-12-31T02:08:00.000-06:00

It's Christmas?

2007-12-25T15:29:00.000-06:00

Dec 25 272

First official public celebration of Dies Natalis Invicti Solis, a pagan Roman holiday that was later co-opted by Christians to celebrate the birth of their favorite Jew. Turning the holiday into "Christmas" (in 336 AD) was part of a pattern of the church stealing various pagan festivals and feast days.

According to the scholiast on the Syriac bishop Jacob Bar-Salibi, writing in the twelfth century:

"It was a custom of the Pagans to celebrate on the same 25 December the birthday of the Sun, at which they kindled lights in token of festivity. In these solemnities and revelries the Christians also took part. Accordingly when the doctors of the Church perceived that the Christians had a leaning to this festival, they took counsel and resolved that the true Nativity should be solemnised on that day." (cited in "Christianity and Paganism in the Fourth to Eighth Centuries", Ramsay MacMullen. Yale:1997, p155)

She has arrived !

2007-11-26T00:31:00.000-06:00

Olympia Miracle Peirce 7.13 lbs 19 inches.

Again - Ya think?

2007-11-13T06:38:00.000-06:00

Bad parenting is the source of a BAD SOCIETY

Ya think ?

2007-11-11T21:04:00.000-06:00

Under stress the damage usually surfaces.

Common Sense

2007-10-16T21:28:00.001-05:00

Never make someone a priority in your life who considers you an option.

Nice to know you

2007-09-24T22:26:00.000-05:00

Hi Dad

2007-01-29T19:40:00.000-06:00

Hi Dad,

Hope your feeling well or at least comfortable.
I have a card ready to mail to you guys, have had it ready for a few weeks, but have not gotten around to the post office yet to mail it.
I am sorry about that.

We are fine.

It's pretty darn cold here. If it would rain we would see snow. But nothing as of yet.

Take care and I will mail that card.
Your daughter

Jobs or lack there of?

2007-01-21T14:56:00.000-06:00

Jeanne and I are trying this out. House cleaning. I so hope it goes well.
I ordered business cards from Vistaprint. It's kinda neat. You get 250 free ones for under 6 bucks. Back has their advert but heck who cares.

We have our first job on Wednesday! It's for once a month so far. But it's a beginning. I am nervous, of course, but I am always nervous with new things. Breathe !
I've put ads up in Craigslist and on Myspace. Still looking for other free advertising. Not much of a response yet, but I am hopeful.
Still putting job apps in to various things to float myself till it gets off it's feet.

It has hit me in the face that my age has some bearing on whether or not I am looked at for job positions. That hurt. It's not spoken out loud but it's obvious. Thank goodness I don't look my age or I wouldn't even be getting my foot in the door.

Lost minds

2007-01-21T01:48:00.000-06:00

I lost my mind for a number of years and I wondered if I would ever see it again
I looked under the bed, I looked under the couch, I looked under the crepe myrtle I am in love with

I look in the mirror too

I looked in a bottle for a while but that didn't help me find it
so I threw that bottle away, but my mind still refused to be found

I looked in you but I couldn't take your mind and make it mine, as much as I wanted to

I look back and know when I had lost it, but for the life of me I couldn't tell where it went off to

so finally I left, thinking, well maybe ill find it over yonder

it still eluded me

I went back looking again, no luck there

so if you find it please let me know
I would be ever so grateful

Book title?

2006-12-30T15:50:00.000-06:00

Number one son rattling off word junk the other night, this one caught my ears.

"How to live with STD's" by Sharin Dicks

Funny kid.

Hope your well

2006-12-21T13:20:00.000-06:00

JBP - I want you to know.
I am not going to try to lay any guilt trip on you, although I seriously want to.
But that is not me.
I do want you to realize and know my heart is in turmoil for you. How can it not be.
This is not what I had envisioned for you. But that was my vision and not yours.

I know your a young man now and you make your own choices in your life.
I want you to know I will always!always love you no matter what you choose to do or how you choose to live your life.

There will never be any variance in that. Ever.

I can not admit that I am okay with a couple of the choices you have made and I wish I could of done something or could turn back a clock and make it different, but as you know I am a realist and will accept your decisions.

I can also understand the choices you have made. I am sorry that this is the way it is.
I am so full of misgivings about how "things" are now as versus "how it was" and I wish you could of "been when I was" instead of now.
Things wouldn't be going down this path if that were the case.
I am not sorry for birthing you. Never. You have brought me so much joy and light. I am in love with you and who you are. What more could any mother ask for?

I love you so deeply and I want you to be happy. That is all I want. I know my ideas of what constitutes happiness are different than yours. I will accept this.
I will not turn my back on you.
I will always be here for you no matter what.
I want you to know this. I know you will read this if you get a chance and since I am rarely hearing from you I thought this would be okay.
Your gems have not arrived btw. :(

Prarie Fire Rocks

2006-12-12T12:40:00.000-06:00

Prarie Fire

My son's band getting ready to tour the south.

Catch them if they head your way.

You won't be disappointed.

MIT

2006-11-16T15:48:00.000-06:00

MIT Open Course Ware

Edumacate yourself

Small Farms Disappearing In Tennessee

2006-10-19T00:46:00.000-05:00

Sometimes a whole farm family comes awake
in a close dark place over a motor's hum
to find their farm's been rolled up like a rug
with them inside it. They will be shaken onto
the streets of Cincinnati, Dayton, or Detroit.

It's a ring, a syndicate dismantling farms
on dark nights, filing their serial numbers
smooth, smuggling them north like stolen cars,
disposing of them part by stolen part.

Parts of farms turn up in unlikely places:
weathered gray boards from a Tennessee burley tobacco
barn are up against the wall of an Ohio
office building, lending a rustic effect.
A Tennessee country church suddenly appeared
disguised as a storefront in downtown Chicago.
Traces of Tennessee farms are found on the slopes
of songs written in Bakersfield, California.
One missing farm was found intact at the head
of a falling creek in a recently published short story.
One farm that disappeared without a clue
has turned up in the colorful folk expressions
of a state university building and grounds custodian.
A whole farm was found in the face of Miss Hattie Johnson,
lodged in a Michigan convalescent home.

Soil samples taken from the fingernails
of Ford plant workers in a subdivision
near Nashville match those of several farms
which recently disappeared in the eastern end of the state.
A seventy-acre farm that came to light
in the dream of a graduate student taking part
in a Chicago-based dream research project
has been put on a micro-card for safekeeping.
Divers searching for a stolen car
on the floor of an Army Corps of Engineers
impoundment, discovered a roadbed, a silo, a watering
trough, and the foundations of a dairy barn.
Efforts to raise the farm proved unsuccessful.
A number of small Tennessee farms were traced
to a land-developer's safe deposit box
in a mid-state bank after a bank official
entered the vault to investigate roosters
crowing and cows bawling inside the box.

The Agriculture Agency of the state
recently procured a helicopter to aid
in the disappearing farm phenomenon.
"People come in here every week," the agency head,
Claude Bullock, reports, "whole farm families on tractors,
claiming their small farm has disappeared."

Running the Small Farms arms of the agency
is not just a job for Bullock, born and brought up
on a small Tennessee farm himself. "We're doing
the best we can," says Bullock, a softspoken man
with a brow that furrows like a well-plowed field
over blue eyes looking at you like farm ponds.
"But nowadays," he adds, "you can load a farm,
especially these small ones, onto a floppy disk.
Some of these will hold half a dozen farms. You just store
them away.
So they're hard to locate with a helicopter."

Bullock's own small farm, a thirty-acre
remnant of the "old home place," disappeared
fourteen months ago, shortly before
he joined the Small Farms arm of the agency.

Jim Wayne Miller
Kentucky Poet Laureate

This is such a great poem ! It had me laughing, frowning, I had a tear in my eye.!
More I want more !

Holding patterns

2006-08-22T15:19:00.000-05:00

I am not sure I understand
or maybe I do and it doesn't matter

could it be part of the aging process?
what I have always termed - growing up?
but I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up
so how can that be?
reflection? Is this where that part comes into play? You have gotten wise in your old age
but i am not that old .. Really

I know I am not mentally ill. Well, not any more than most
in fact I am mentally well more so than many I meet when i do go out

so why am I in a holding pattern with my life?
my life meaning my inter connections with the human race

people

I don't understand
I would rather be in my cocoon than trying to absorb others energy

maybe Richard was right and I am sensitive to "people" energy
it does exhaust me so

I read about "isolation" and think, am I putting myself in that quandary?
Give me a book anytime and i am happy

That's it though - I am happy - i am content
I am lonely at times yes, this is true
but isn't it better to be alone,? alone, than to be alone with someone?
i believe so

Rejection

2006-07-22T15:36:00.000-05:00

If i had known i would be so thoroughly rejected - would i of still asked it ?
a most definite yes

(i still don't think distance is a good reason though)

even though you only gave a small bit to me it taught me so much
about myself, about you

you are a very unique man j
very

if i hadn't experienced you in my life
if i had never met you
if it hadn't been so brief of a pleasure

i would of never known the exquisite connection you gave me to myself

purely selfish on my part i know

i also know it was not altruistic on your part so i have no guilt

i can't help wishing it had turned out differently

fully knowing it would of blown up in our faces
you are wiser than i am

i got you babe

2006-01-24T04:37:00.000-06:00

Good stuff this.

It's war

2005-05-27T06:57:00.000-05:00

I am now ready to do battle with the alcoholic neighbor.
I have his plat and deed, my plat and deed and the surveyor is coming out to re-establish the corners of my property.
He has utterly used up my patience. 6 years of nonsense I have had to put up with.
No more.
Now if he so much as puts a toe on my property I will call the law in.
If he so much as looks at me cross-eyed - I will sue him.
I am done with his nasty rude behavior. I am tired of being harassed. I am tired of my boys being harassed. If his wife can't get a handle on his behavior than I will.
If he still will not stop ..
I intend to rent my house out to the local bad-boy-biker chapter and ask them to party hardy boys.
My nerves are so raw right now - I've lost weight again.
Why this jerk insists on being a .. Jerk .. Is beyond me.
Might have to do with the fact I told him to get off my property the last time he came over drunk and inquired about my sex life and lack of male companionship. Or it might have to do with the fact his septic tank is spewing sewage because his lines are to crapped out and he needs to run new ones and my property looks so inviting?.
Whatever his reasons are I am done with it.
He picked on the wrong woman to try to get one over on.

must be spring

2005-04-18T07:36:00.000-05:00

Sounds and smells of simple Things

rooster crowing early in the morning

a quail and its eerie, mournful song, muted in the fog laying heavy on the ground

laugher coming from the guys and their friends sitting around the bonfire in the back

the heavy, musky incense of the wisteria that is dripping with lavender

the heady aroma of the first bud from the Anastasia rose bush the guys gave me last year on mom day

the earthy odor of cow manure as farmers plow fields for corn

the green-ness of a freshly mown lawn during a gentle rain

question please

2005-03-22T19:03:00.000-06:00

how do you know that you know what you know ?

he said

2005-01-29T13:51:00.000-06:00

Society-the selfconsuming dragon
Outside emotion.broken promises.lies.companion.end.pattern.poison.mind.oppresor.meager.
juststartedbutalready over? raw.violence.public orginization.why.patience almost done.spreadinfect.fester.diease.society.mirror.infect.LOVE.
oppression-negative previal.but what for?novel literature +
public= media violence demon love hate WHY?pain love SWAMP. confusionrules over chaos.media.destruction.hope?guilty?someonknowswhy.
Ignorance.evil.sheep.sheppherddemonguide,want,need.greedrules.
over.rules!money=corruption-by unchallenged
power=money.iilusionsliesmoney.greed.greed.infect.weapons.Freedom?
serious doubts forming.WAR-uglybeast-
peace=detailed fanticismLOVE?why--thebogisso confusing-Massknowledge by controlled propaganda truth is rarely
commonly agreed upon,greed,hate,LOVEguilt.falling shortofexpectations,only torewrite them.your love fuels thebeast.my hate gives it energy the great knowledge is shared only to come on COMPLETE DE-EVOLUTION by mass suicide,not the suicide of one but of ALL SOCIETY

by jordan beaumont P
Number two son at age 13.
I found this on a slip of paper in a pile of books. I was blown away. He gave it to me. Just WoW is all I can say.

Kate

2005-01-29T08:20:00.000-06:00

Loading ......

My two oldest boys paternal grandmother is one of the most beautiful woman I have had the honor of meeting in my life. She has been through more "hells" in her life than I could imagine. Her perception of the world and her place in it has been horrific. For her. Yet she has remained a very caring and kind woman.

How she has chosen to deal with her connection to this planet and the people she comes into contact with on a daily basis, has been an influence on how I deal with my own "perceived" thoughts about people and how I interact or react to others.
(but I have a temper. And a real evil one >.< Therefore my mouth is active when it knows better.)

I have known kate for over 20 years and she just turned 73.
i believe her soul is old and her heart is big.

it amazes me to think we have watched each other grow.

Through my own personnel "hells", I have watched how she has dealt with her "skewed" view of the world. And yes, it is "skewed".
Every Black man, Mexican, Fat Woman (she is obsessed with her weight, health, poop habits), is perceived by her, as a threat to her well being.
She was losing touch with reality when I first met her; back when my oldest was born, and it has deteriorated over the years.
She maintains as long as people leave her alone, but that can not happen as she unwittingly sets herself up for people to ridicule her.
She is obsessed with her "evils" of this world.
She once sang big band, had a job as an airline stewardess and worked for aafes for 20 some odd years. She still at 73 attends college, takes choir classes, sings in church, just to many interests to be listed.
She is an amazing woman.
I only hope I can hold onto my kindness and warmth as I age as well as she has.
Bless you Kate for being a part of my life.

bird?

2005-01-07T13:41:00.000-06:00

my neighbor to the west of me is one of those good ole, southern, country boy type of guys. he gets up and goes to bed, I'm sure, with a beer can in his hand.
he staggers around, yelling at anything and everything, especially his dogs out back, with a beer can in his hand.
few years back he had prostate cancer and bet he had a beer can in his hand from sunrise to sunset.

how do I know this you ask?

I actually stopped going outside to just "dig" on this third of an acre I worked so hard to pay off so fast, because of him.
I know, I know but it was, just - after a couple of years of having to listen to him and his yelling, his heavily accented, slurred speech and his drunken mannerisms, his offering my then "teen" guys cases of beer "and" having to endure the "visiting" with him on my front porch and him eventually saying words that, in my mind, were not proper for a married man to say to the single neighbor lady.
I just don't like drunks. That's all.

now the older couple that owned the house before the good ole boy, were more my speed. Quiet, friendly - but not invasive, respectful, mind their own business. All that stuff that has to do with manners .. And dignity.

so anyway, one of my kids girlfriend and I were outside cutting down the small tree that decided to grow up over the septic tank and we hear the good ole southern boy out back yelling at his dogs.
the kids and I had figured out years ago he was happiest when he was out there yelling at his dogs, with a beer can in his hand. so we pretty much just got to the point we would ignore it.
once in awhile his yelling would be especially loud or abrasive and it would get my attention. I came so close, a couple of times, to calling the animal humane society and asking them to come see how abused his dogs were.
so we are out cutting the tree down and he is out back yelling at his dogs. I am ignoring this, of course, I'm used to it by now, but this is the first time the girlfriend had heard it.
"what is he yelling about?" she asks.
"he is yelling at his dogs, he abuses them." I told her.
she walks over a little closer to his yard and stands there listening, than busts out laughing.
I'm thinking "wow, she is weird if she thinks him abusing his dogs is funny. Dunno about her."
so she walks back to me and says "he is training them."
"huh. Training? How the hell you train a dog by yelling at them?"
"he's yelling "bird .. bird" than he flaps his arms, claps and yells "bird, bird"
and here I thought he was doing the drunken slurring his words dance every morning for the last 7 years. jeez. ummmm.

Gift of Life

2004-12-21T13:49:00.000-06:00

Heifer International

gift giving at it's finest.
what better way to show your love than giving a gift of life.

water buffalo
llama
flock of chicks
flock of ducks
heifer
many animals to choose from.

you can give either all or a share of a gift.

i know i feel better giving a gift of this nature.

idiots

2004-12-18T05:53:00.000-06:00

dude buys a beer.
shake my head time.
he pops the top walking out of the store then jumps into his car and takes off down the road.
what the idiot didn't realize was, there was a policeman parked around the corner of the store writing up a report from a stop he had just done - not 15 mins ago.
i watched him help push a huge orange pumpkin on wheels off to the side of the main road.
no clue. didn't ask.
what i am totally clueless about is why this dude, after getting off work and waiting that long to get to the store to buy this beer, couldn't just "WAIT" to drink that damn beer.

than we have a couple dudes that buy beer before work. at 5am ????
whatever.

this could be it

2004-12-15T08:47:00.000-06:00

since I stopped working at the hospital a while back, I have been taking odd jobs here and there. they are usually part time jobs that don't require much thinking.

landed a new job this last week and it's a full time one. still not much in the way of thinking required to do it either. ouch.
maybe this one will stick.

the folding boxes and answering phones job was fun, but, sigh, I don't put up with games and one guy was definitely into games.
this guy is married and has an adopted 8 yr old child at home.
he asked not only for my phone number for a date, but also most of the young, cute teeny-boppers that he came into contact with through the store.
at one time he even locked himself into the office with a young, new hire and the other employees were puzzled but didn't knock on the door to ask this creep - wtf!
my guys asked me why I didn't pursue this and file charges.
hell, this has obviously gone on for quite some time.
I could care less about that store. if the bosses want to make an issue of it than they need to, not wait for some bleeding heart to make waves for them.
besides, to many of the people working there are into cocaine and I sure as hell don't want to work around people like that.
I quit it.
clocked out and left.
haven't been back.

so, anyway.
this new job seems o.k.
even though there are a lot of people, because I run a cash register I don't have to deal with them for very long and don't have a chance to get all nervous and anxiety ridden.
was funny - one guy kept looking at me. hard. like he was saying "look at me back just like I am looking at you." something was up for sure.
of course, it made me nervous and if you asked me I couldn't even begin to tell you what he looked like because I couldn't look at him.
so much for that.
easy job so far and pay is not half bad. hope I am able to maintain and stick around for awhile. would like to save some money and go to europe one last time.
love having goals :)

drapes

2004-12-12T16:40:00.000-06:00

I absolutely one hundred percent - hate buying clothes. I dislike shopping of most any kind - but the clothing one? Really is not for me.
If and I do mean if, I am able to get myself into a clothing store, I do try to make an effort and spend up to 20 minutes looking, max.
Not trying on mind you - just looking.
After about 20 minutes I can feel my body yank me out of the store. This yank is a bit rougher if there are more than just a couple of people in the store.
Than I start feeling crowded.

Heh, you say, a couple of people??
Yeah, I tend to shop at either consignment or Salvation Army/Goodwill stores for clothing and around here if I drive by and see only a couple of cars out front and I need to get something other than the usual clothes I wear that belong to my kids - I'll stop.
This doesn't happen to often as I really, really hate shopping.
No biggie though, even if the guys clothes are a bit big, it's nothing a belt and flip up of the cuff won't take care of.

I am blessed in that I have quite a few clothes given to me and if it fits and is half way decent looking, I'll wear it. That word "fits" translates into "loose and big", not binding.
I guess wearing the guys clothes for so long has spoiled me in the comfort arena.

Now - shoes are easy. If I need to buy a pair of shoes, I can tolerate slightly more time looking and trying on, because I know what shoes I like and I buy the same brand every single time.
Born, Birkenstock and Eco make darn good shoes.
I still have my first pair of Birkenstock sandals bought during the 70's and if I carried them in for a new sole job, they would be just dandy to wear. I leave them in their box though and have only had to buy one new pair of Birk's since.

So - once again, because I hate shopping, I'm not doing any Xmas shopping for this year. Just like last year and the year before that and...
Really though, if I wasn't on such a strict budget wanting to obtain my goal of being debt free by the end of next year, I would go nuts and get the claw foot tub and Victorian chain pull toilet I've been craving forever and a day.
But I won't.

This year for Christmas Eve, I want to do an Olde' English dinner with a Roast Beef w/au jus, Yorkshire Pudding and my Mom's Cheesecake Recipe.
Everything else is up for grabs.
Just as long as I make those three dishes I will consider dinner complete. And just as long as we are all together and reasonably happy and healthy, I will consider Christmas complete also.

just thinking

2004-12-11T20:47:00.000-06:00

Great is truth, but still greater, from a practical point of view, is silence about truth.

The unimaginable horrors of the Thirty Years War actually taught men a lesson, and for more than a hundred years the politicians and generals of Europe consciously resisted the temptation to use their military resources to the limits of destructiveness or (in the majority of conflicts) to go on fighting until the enemy was totally annihilated. They were aggressors, of course, greedy for profit and glory; but they were also conservatives, determined at all costs to keep their world intact, as a going concern.

Assuming, then, that we are capable of learning as much from Hiroshima as our forefathers learned from Magdeburg, we may look forward to a period, not indeed of peace, but of limited and only partially ruinous warfare. During that period it may be assumed that nuclear energy will be harnessed to industrial uses. The result, pretty obviously, will be a series of economic and social changes unprecedented in rapidity and completeness. All the existing patterns of human life will be disrupted and new patterns will have to be improvised to conform with the nonhuman fact of atomic power. Procrustes in modern dress, the nuclear scientist will prepare the bed on which mankind must lie; and if mankind doesn't fit- well, that will be just too bad for mankind. There will have to be some stretching and a bit of amputation--the same sort of stretching and amputations as have been going on ever since applied science really got into its stride, only this time they will be a good deal more drastic than in the past. These far from painless operations will be directed by highly centralized totalitarian governments. Inevitably so; for the immediate future is likely to resemble the immediate past, and in the immediate past rapid technological changes, taking place in a mass-producing economy and among a population predominantly propertyless, have always tended to produce economic and social confusion. To deal with confusion, power has been centralized and government control increased. It is probable that all the world's governments will be more or less completely totalitarian even before the harnessing of atomic energy; that they will be totalitarian during and after the harnessing seems almost certain. Only a large-scale popular movement toward decentralization and self-help can arrest the present tendency toward statism. At present there is no sign that such a movement will take place.

You pays your money and you takes your choice.

Aldous Huxley
Above quoted from Foreword
"A Brave New World"

interesting how we need so many things now a days. how we are still a product consuming, throw it away driven "mass" of sheep.
how we bury ourselves in "stuff" distracting us from the truly important issues of the care of our hopefully long term existence as a living organism on this planet.

i am not anti-techno, anti-progress in the least. i think Huxley used his extreme imagery to convey his thoughts and fears for our future as a race if we were to allow government and science to dictate how we utilize resources.
my fears are for the ones i meet day in and day out that are so wrapped up in "buying what the "Madison Ave" folks keep pumping out in front of them and the "hiding behind "drugs, alcohol, sex, non-stop rush rush" yet on the other hand rant about the state of our being. how much gas costs yet driving gas hogging vehicles, on and on. they are so clueless.

i have no clue where i am going with this but i do have enough of a clue that sometimes, just sometimes i read something written and am struck by the thought ... well. indeed.

house breathes

2004-12-09T21:04:00.000-06:00

i swear, my house breathes kids.

you can almost see my house inhale and in they come, flowing through the living room, bumping the crates and guitars into the door jambs in their hurry to get set up and banging.

inhale out, they flow out and i have silence for maybe - 15 minutes.
another breath in and another set of kids present themselves, ready to go at it.

don't get me wrong, i am not complaining at all.
this has been going on since my kids were 1 and 2 years old.
i had pots and wooden spoons set aside just for them to bang away on and if neighbor kids showed up, out came more pots and wooden spoons.. but outside.
we had set up the yard as a kiddy wonderland, just so neighbor kids would come to "our" house to play. that way i knew just where my kids were at all times.
as they got older and the gear got vastly more expensive they moved into the barn. now it is the back of the house. go figure.

i also know how empty my life would be with out this constant breathing.
thank you life, for the little pleasures you give me.

done deal

2004-12-09T07:40:00.000-06:00

court day and everyone showed up.

they offered him a plea bargin and he will be in jail for a year.
very mixed emotions about that.
he is also having to deal with a probation violation, but at least for the next year, he won't be able to hurt anyone else.

glad that is over with as i am sure the guys are.

black and white's

2004-12-07T21:54:00.000-06:00

family photos found in a box

mom and dad's wedding day

the tribe in germany

a song for martin

2004-12-06T13:27:00.000-06:00

during the 80's, about a year after graduating, i signed up with Kensington Home Health Care in calif.

my second assignment with this company was caring for an elderly woman with alzheimer's.
i was utterly heart-broken for her husband and the family.
some days i would arrive to find him in tears, retreating to his chair, muttering. "why, lord. why".
i over heard him begging her to remember who he was.
i had to walk out of the room.

he had spent his married life working to provide this woman he loved so deeply with the means to enjoy their retirement years.
that dream was destroyed by one word.
i came to have a deep respect for him and his determination to keep his wife in her home surrounded by the life they had built together.
i do not know what the outcome for this family was as i was reassigned to an aphasic patient nearer to home after only a month, but i doubt it had a happy ending.

this past weekend i saw the movie "A Song for Martin".

i finally had to run grab the tissue box.

A Song For Martin

it's fixed!

2004-12-05T16:31:00.000-06:00

if your a winamp itv junkie - as i am, than you are already aware of the recent shutdown of the nsv feeds due to certain porn streams loading executables. (someone paddle their behinds please)

well, it's back! it's fixed! and it's about time.

i was into the withdrawals bit!

pcmovieman.com, webranger.net and saltwaterchimp.com kept my tears at bay, but it is still nice to have it all in one easy little program.

nuturing of spirit

2004-12-04T17:45:00.000-06:00

driving into the center we spotted 2 does and 3 fawns grazing on the hill along the "Stations of the Cross" trail.
as we walked towards the lotus pond and Grotto, dedicated to Mary, Our Lady of Mount Carmel, they would stop grazing - turning as one to stare at us for a few moments.
again, as if by a hidden signal, their heads dipped down as one, intent once more on their grazing, not bothered by our presence in the least.

the carekeeper drove up to unlock the chapel and hall for us all the while relating to us the incredible story of one Priest Chavara from Kerala, India that inspired the order of Catholic Priests named the "Carmelites of Mary Immaculate".

we walked into the chapel and as i looked around at the stained glass windows, Jesus on the cross above the altar, the hardwood floors and ceiling, the restored "Stations of the Cross" plagues, all lovingly done by hand .. i was quickly overwhelmed.
dang eyes - smarted, dang nose got stuffed up.

if you ever find yourself near Liberty,TN. treat yourself to the beauty of this gift of love nestled in the TN hills.

Larry the carekeeper, who in actuality is so much more to the wonder that is the Carmel Center of Spirituality, is an endless source of information and how this "piece of heaven on earth" came to be.

Carmel Center of Spirituality
Located 55 miles southeast of Nashville in rural Liberty, TN, is owned and operated by the Carmelites of Mary Immaculate, an order of Catholic priests established in 1831 in Kerala, India.

Drop Larry or Bonnie Bean a line if you plan to visit at
- Carmel Center of Spirituality
P.O. Box 117
Liberty, TN 37095

P.S. as soon as i either - [1] get a new scanner to replace the one my kid stepped on or [2] get batteries and a cable for the digital camera a friend loaned me - i will post some pictures from the brochure i picked up.

dances on tippy toes

2004-12-03T13:06:00.000-06:00

my brother is home safe from his tour of duty in Afghanistan.

i won't pretend i know what he was doing over there (supporting the NATO contingent) as he is not allowed to discuss it with anyone.
i can only guess, coming from a military family and our father having done a tour of duty in Korea and a few in Vietnam, but i won't.

all i know and care about? is that he is home, he is well and he is with his family.
they are touring Europe and i can imagine him shaking off the last 6 months of being away from them.

welcome home.

and
take some pictures bro!

he is out on bail

2004-12-01T19:33:00.000-06:00

lt j from the town jail house called yesterday afternoon. said she had two subpoenas for the guys to show up in court this morning at 9am concerning the crack head.

the guys show up only to find out the crack head got out on bail as of 4am this morning.

new court date on the 8th of dec.

not looking good.

i am wondering how the crack head got the money to post bail on a 50k bond.
curious.

wasting time

2004-11-29T20:47:00.000-06:00

neat places to get lost.

andy foulds : interactive play.

typoGenerator made.
Posted by Hello
above found via junestar.blogspot.com thanks!

bah hum bug

2004-11-23T14:49:00.000-06:00

last week i received 2 credit card offers in the mail.
this week, so far, and it's only tuesday?, i have received 5.

i envision my mailbox overflowing with these offers to undo all the productive dave ramsey work i have been doing these last 8 yrs.

i see a cross held up over this pile of envelopes ~ that are full of empty promises of instant money that they want to loan me in order to throw it at "corporate america" ~ as i put a match to it.

i see.. more junk credit card mail and "many, many more" matches in my immediate future.

where are the stairs

2004-11-22T21:24:00.000-06:00

"I am interested only in the basement of the human being."
Sigmund Freud

i have attempted to express in writing my go-rounds with compassion or lack thereof.
i stumble and whine while "Mystic Cowboy: Facing demons" flows.

dang

shake, rattle and roll

2004-11-21T09:50:00.000-06:00

view recent world earthquake activity.
i've felt the shockwaves from a few earthquakes.
in 1994 i felt lucky to be in our home in the valley when the los angeles one hit.

looks like calif is getting more than it's fair share lately.
still sure you don't want to move out here micheal?

guilty pleasures

2004-11-20T14:06:00.000-06:00

if you were raised catholic in the 50's and 60's, as i was, than you know what i am talking about when i say, "no, i can't do that, he is watching me."
this was so ingrained in me, i used to think he could see me with my flashlight under the covers reading, (this was considered a sin way back in the old days) when i was supposed to be trying to get to sleep so i could get up in the morning for school.
i would always end up feeling guilty for just "thinking" about this "evil" thing i wanted to do.

as my boys grew up and became sexually active i knew i couldn't just stand back and keep my mouth shut about certain things.
so, i started on them young. well, actually, not to young, more like around the time i figured they were "thinking" about doing the "evil thang".
over the years it became increasingly difficult to come up with new and fresh ways to present the condom/baby idea in a humorous manner so they wouldn't stand there with their eyes glazed over.

to this day i look for ways to present my ideas of sexual responsibility. this seems to be working so far. no grandkids yet and no std's. go mom yeah!

but anyway... on to the tale.

i have a friend in colorado who sent me a link a couple of months ago to a site and a little clip he had posted done to the tune of the old slinky ditty. (that's all i'll say on that. you have to go hunt the clip down yourself. enjoy, my belly hurt from laughing so hard the first time i explored his site.) i've been reading his site ever since.
well, the other day he posted a link saying .. here ya go ladies. enjoy. to my surprise it was most decidedly not enjoyable. so i shot him an e-mail off.

his gift to us - ladies. the world according to trip (nsfw)
now - i'll take one of these and oh, one of those and....
~ guilty pleasures ~

thank you tripmine. you so rule!

on facing up to adversity

2004-11-19T13:07:00.000-06:00

it's a troublesome world,
all the people who're in it
are troubled with troubles
almost every minute.

just tell yourself, duckie,
you're really quite lucky!
some people are much more...
oh, ever so much more...
oh, muchly much-much more
unlucky than you!

- did i ever tell you how lucky you are?

i learned there are troubles
of more than one kind.
some come from ahead
and some come from behind.

but i've bought a big bat.
i'm all ready, you see.
now my troubles are going
to have troubles with me!

- i had trouble in getting to solla sollew
theodor seuss geisel (1904-1991)

thank you

2004-11-18T10:52:00.000-06:00

a couple of days after my oldest son was stabbed in the face and back by a punk crack head at one of our local convenience stores here in our "normally" quiet, sleepy town, i brought my anger to my blog.

since then we have received many well wishes from those of you that have read about it.
we are deeply touched by your kind words.
i cried reading some of the emails and i am grateful that i have my son.

he is well, healing nicely and back to his routine.
i pray that you and yours are as blessed as i feel right now.
thank you

tym okiem

2004-11-18T08:41:00.000-06:00

tym okiem - all i can say is WOW. absolutely beautiful.

howard zinn says

2004-11-17T18:59:00.000-06:00

The Missing Voices of Our World

"The Preamble to the United States Constitution, which declares that 'we the people' wrote this document, is a great deception. The Constitution was written in 1787 by fifty-five rich white men -- slave owners, bondholders, merchants -- who established a strong central government that would serve their class interests."

got it?

hey - can we start this revolution - soon? Please?

memories from the past

2004-11-17T15:51:00.000-06:00

fort campbell ky - remember grandma chasing mom around because she allowed pat to swim in hole-y underwear? /wink

Posted by Hello

germany - my memories of germany are wrapped around the incredible sensation of my first taste of german chocolate ice cream, cuckoo clocks, throwing up after eating black bread, (still dislike rye to this day) gummy bears and leiderhousen - wonderful place to be a child.

Posted by Hello

no - you can not have my children

2004-11-16T19:17:00.000-06:00

i was kindly pointed to the article below over at snopes - thank you btw.

draft fear

"Since a reimposition of conscription would require Congressional approval, which has not yet been given, it is unlikely that a draft (even if approved by Congress) would be underway as early as Spring 2005"

letting my breath out now.

updated-11.18.04

Government Looking at Military Draft Lists

"The Selective Service System (SSS) and the U.S. Department of Education now are gearing up to compare their computer records, to make sure all men between the ages of 18 and 25 who are required to register for a military draft have done so."

most of my young life was spent growing up in a military family.
my father was in vietnam (two tours of duty if my memory serves me right).
my youngest brother is in afghanistan right now and has had duty in various other third world countries over these last few years.

growing up an army brat was an enlightening experience for me, we were introduced to different cultures and mind-sets that most people i know don't have the privilege of experiencing. but that is another topic.

i am very concerned with this scrutinizing of the draft records. two of my sons are of age and registered but i am so totally opposed to this iraq fiasco.
oh, what to do - what to do.

*do not get me wrong.
i support our troops one hundred percent.
what i do not agree with is this senseless killing of innocents.

now - of course, my perfect world would include the ability for our military to take out the scumbags yet allow the innocent mothers and children caught up in this to be able to function in a semi-normal manner.
so much for a perfect world.

i am a mother what the hell else you expect? i am selfish.
i don't want to be one of the poor mothers that have already lost their precious sons and daughters to this war.

our government is out of control. period.

crack heads need to fall off the face of the planet

2004-11-15T14:59:00.000-06:00

this has been so upsetting to me i am almost beside myself.

my oldest son and his dad went to the golden gallon in triune to get dessert as the store in our little town was closed for the night.
as my son's dad was coming out of the store a man standing outside started verbally harassing him.
he responded with "hey dude, no reason to act that way. i don't even know you."
the man then pushed him.
my son saw this and walked over to see what was up, asking his dad what the problem was and if he was o.k. he then asked this weirdo why he pushed his dad.
the man responded by throwing a beer bottle at my son then picked up the broken bottle and stabbed my son in the face.
my son grabbed his shirt as he fell taking this ass wipe down to the ground with him.
as my son got up and started walking towards his dad with blood streaming down his face, this ass wipe pulled a knife and stabbed him in the back.

customers in the store got his license plate number as this piece of crap took off.
the police showed up and after my son was seen in ER and sewn up, told us this man, by the name of james leon oglesby, was a crack head and wanted for murdering his uncle and stabbing his mothers b.f. in the back.

the last couple of days have been spent talking to the deputy that is assigned to the case. he informed us he has a personnel vendetta against this punk.
lucky for us, this is not going to be swept under the rug.

dear lord, what in the hell is wrong with people.

my son will have a couple of new scars but is still in shock that this got out of hand so quickly.
i don't usually wish ill on others .. .. but this ass wipe and ALL crack heads need to fall off the face of the earth and die a fiery death in hell.

*my son was extremely lucky. 4 stitches on his nose and the knife wound on his back is very shallow. Thank you Lord.

another bush flub up

2004-11-14T13:41:00.000-06:00

Joke Waller-Hunter of the Bonn-based Climate Change Secretariat, which services the protocol, said only four industrialized countries have not yet ratified the Kyoto Protocol: Australia, Liechtenstein, Monaco and the United States.

reuters.com

updated 11/21/04 - bush is afraid of the auto industry. bet me. just bet me

The US, responsible for about a quarter of the world's gas emissions, has refused to ratify the Kyoto Protocol. The agreement, negotiated in 1997, requires industrial nations to reduce emissions of greenhouse gases below 1990 levels.

President Bush argues the plan is too costly and unfairly excludes developing nations.

bbc news

EXCUSE ME? what a wieney!

kyoto protocol laid out at wikipedia

nrdc clearly disagrees with bush.

obviously nothing is perfect but we sure as hell need to start somewhere.

terraserver 6.0

2004-11-12T11:17:00.000-06:00

terraserver 6.0 homepage : i found me can you find you?

way cool

abolish cars

2004-11-11T14:54:00.000-06:00

ever make the mistake of mentioning that bonus or pay raise, or the fact that you have been invited to Switzerland by your "honey bunny", to a passenger while in your "set of wheels"?
i did and this is what my "little blue bomb" did for me as a way of saying

thanks info!!

1. alternator = $0 (traded "old white bomb" that's been sitting in the driveway for the last 3 yrs)
2. two front tires and front brakes = $235.83 - went in for just tires. of course.
3. throttle angle sensor = $797.24 - sometimes you make it really difficult to like you honda - i mean come on !
4. water pump, belts, oil change/tune-up = $634.59 - this guy tried to charge me for a power steering belt. i had no clue i had power steering! ha, i don't

/nod

moral of this tale? never ever talk about $$'s while in your "set of wheels" - it will bite you.

for jord/ash/nat/joey - all you hippie kids

2004-11-10T13:38:00.000-06:00

MasaManiA=???? shows us the Japanese hippie style.
Spiffy !

candy stores

2004-11-09T16:14:00.000-06:00

sites like these

majorgeeks.com
download.com
tucows.com
grc.com

drive me bonkers.
it's like walking into the candy store - i want to play with every single thing i find there. this addiction started back when i bought my first commadore 64 and you had to know dos in order to load a program.
usually the only thing i "accomplish" at these sites is a fresh clean install of the original o.s.
all in good fun.

odd rules

2004-11-08T04:09:00.000-06:00

during my one month stay in TX last year, the tags on my little "blue bomb" expired. no biggie right? nope.
except! in TX - you need a TX state driver's license (and a myriad of other things - of course) in order to receive new little "blue bomb" tags allowing you to drive around all legal like.

[never mind that the TX state office did not clue me into the little known fact that i could get temporary tags until i got home to TN. right? right.]

anyway on to the tale.

i wait until i need new tags here in TN to go get my driver's license switched back to TN (it hadn't even expired when i had to get a TX one) - which is my legal state of residence.

(by the way, i have lived in and had a TN drivers license for almost 10 years, thank you, grrr)

so, after stopping and asking "what all do i need in order to get my drivers license?"
i gather up all these things and head on back to the drivers license place to get a spanking "brand new" one.

tis not to be.

my original - yes, from the week i was born - birth certificate was not good enough - shrug. ok, fine.
so i go to the passport office and send off all my stuff (including my not good enough birth certificate) to get a new passport.

well - my passport is here

tomorrow? i go back to the drivers license place and will give my spanking "brand new" passport over to this state office to get - yes! you understand now! - a new drivers license.

oh, wait - did i miss something here?

go figure. just another one of those riddles that perplex me i guess.

i am not going to cry

2004-11-06T22:50:00.000-06:00

dang it !
roland just buried jake.
eyes are stinging.
had to put the book down.

in case you do not know who roland and jake are. have a visit - Stephen King

run dick run. see dick run. run jane run. see jane run.

2004-11-06T13:34:00.000-06:00

MarryAnAmerican : No good American will be left behind!
or you could try here
Migration Expert - Australia
or here
Switzerland Residency

but keep in mind - of course

"Remember that Nixon was reelected with a bigger margin than Bush, but faced impeachment within a year."
Ten Reasons Not to Move to Canada

me?
think i will just stick around and watch the fallout

found words

2004-11-04T11:08:00.000-06:00

my brothers and i, watching ships as we wait for the one that will take us to okinawa

[found on an envelope]

without your past experiences you've learned nothing to prepare you for what lies ahead.

don't look back with regret. life can be very painful, but it only opens the door to the real you.
it makes you stronger and wiser as you go.

the desires you have previously chosen have brought you precisely were you are. right now.
just as surely as the desires you focus on today bring about the substance of your tomorrow.

though you won't get it perfect, do it anyway.
though you don't think you have the time, do it anyway.
though it will challenge you and make you uncomfortable, do it anyway.

only you know what must be done. you know what actions will bring the results you desire.
you know what is right and what is wrong.
you can spend a lifetime making excuses, thinking of reasons why not, but where would that get you?
touch your own sense of excellence and do the right thing.

do it anyways in spite of the bring me downs.

take yourself to the next level.

*i have since found out that this was written by my number two son.
dang jord - i can't express in words to you how much i admire your insight.

bushwhacked

2004-11-03T14:40:00.000-06:00

4 more years of this.
i smell another vietnam in our history. we just love to meddle.

Vietnam Timeline v.s. Iraq Timeline

The damage to U.S. prestige in the world for its illegal invasion of Iraq is already done. The danger now is that in his desperation to avoid a humiliating U.S. defeat, the repudiation of his entire presidency, and a generation-long disdain for U.S. military power, Bush will resort to apocalyptic barbarism. This is exactly what Nixon did trying to salvage "peace with honor"� in Vietnam. It is this temptation that only the American public can force Bush to resist.

Robert Freeman - Is Iraq another Vietnam? Actually, it may become worse.

So where are the similarities between Iraq and Vietnam? They reside in Washington.

Joe Galloway - Iraq No Vietnam, But There Are Parallels

Cost of War

oh, wait, i don't do politics.
away - i go.

my boys girls

2004-10-30T14:04:00.000-05:00

some interesting stuff going on around here maynard.
a couple of girls have been here the last 2 days - hanging out.
tis odd to wake up and see a woman come strolling out of my son's room.

[usually on my way to the head after i wake up, i trip over all these guy bods sleeping on the living room floor recovering from their night of music and gaming].

anyway. my oldest boy has a new "interest", nice lady. she has been chasing after him for around a year and a half and well, she finally snagged him. they haven't been off each other for hours now. they practically sit on top of each other, holding hands, making faces at each other. coolest thing is she is 11 years older than him.
wonder who is teaching whom what. not that this is any of my business - it just felt "odd" to have the baby/condom talk with a woman her age.

we all know the number one son is not interested in any type of "long term thang" and i was concerned this might turn into an issue since she had been building up in her head all this stuff about him for the last year. he assured me he has it under control, is being up front and honest with her. ok babe. your boat.

haven't had the baby/condom talk yet with my number two son's new love interest. did hear tell she asked a good friend of hers' if it was possible to get pregnant by swallowing.
ok - for sure the talk needs to be real soon. but ! um. did your momma not tell you about this stuff honey ?

my number two son is a sensitive guy and hasn't had a g-f in ages. so, i need to be concerned about this one in a sensitive manner - not my usual - "you got a condom? you do know that babies suck up your life in a positive manner 'IF' you are ready for it? no - of course you don't since you don't have any kids yet. so - let's talk about this. if you are not on birth control now? .. hey! let's go".

yes - of course, i do love my boys - deeply.

altruism

2004-10-29T10:11:00.000-05:00

cross cultural solutions ~ 1 - 12 week volunteer program.

matching donors ~ if you have worked with or around anyone needing a transplant - than you understand the dire need.

peace corps ~ have wanted to sign up for a stint with the peace corps since i was 16 yrs old. have had the application sitting here for a couple of years now ... getting closer in my life stage where this could happen.

lawn decorations

2004-10-23T01:38:00.000-05:00

kerry/edwards sign in the yard. not sure which one of the guys in the house put it up.
~~just want to cross out all of them~~

! Pat Paulsen for Pres ! - really wish he were here for this one.

music

2004-10-21T09:21:00.000-05:00

Rock the Vote - This Land Is Your Land - listen up.

Scissor Sisters - some funk. they call it indie now [it's still funk to me]

tiny music

Scientific American: Scientists Turn DNA Tubes into Nanowires - spiffy

cruising the net

2004-09-25T14:10:00.000-05:00

luv it.

i like the videos at - ifilm

"underwear goes inside your pants!" album: lazyboy.
- video info

more videos from - viralx

alright, time to get yourself - flabbergasted

don't have time to cruise all of this one yet - ebaumsworld

tn rock on - rock 103

old flicks here - retrostation tv - or - pcmovieman

music

2004-09-22T21:29:00.000-05:00

varied as usual

my newest obsession ! damien rice

~ volcano

don't hold yourself like that you'll hurt your knees
i kissed your mouth your back that's all i need
don't build your world around volcanoes melt you down
what i am to you is not real
what i am to you you do not need
what i am to you is not what you mean to me
you give me miles and miles of mountains
and i'll ask for the sea
don't throw yourself like that in front of me
i kissed your mouth your back is that all you need?
don't drag my love around volcanoes melt me down
what i am to you is not real
what i am to you you do not need
what i am to you is not what you mean to me
you give me miles and miles of mountains
and i'll ask for the sea
what i give to you is just what i'm going through
this is nothing new no no just another phase of finding
what i really need is what makes me bleed
and like a new disease she's still too you to treat
volcanoes melt me down
she's still too young
i kissed your mouth
you do not need me

damien rice ~ very - very nice.
guys saw damien at - bonnaroo this year

type o ~ oh yeah baby ~ peters voice causes instant melt down on my part. just watch me flow all over the floor.

the cure ~ older band but still one of my favs

another "older" band still working me over ~ janes addiction

and of course - always have - npr or - wmts 88.3 in the car

some kids - i swear

2004-09-22T09:06:00.000-05:00

david (middle brother) drives the tractor over today to help jon and m "work on the roof"?
m laughed and chased him off, told him to come back with just his hands - thanks.
where could he of possibly thought a tractor would be helpful in roof work. /boggle.

we are still training david to get un-stupid. he has these parent types that have ignored their kids for so long their kids crave any family community type atmosphere. unfortunately, we (make that /i) can only handle one of em over here at a time and then we/i want to beat them if they out-stay their welcome.
russ (big brother) had stopped hanging out over a year ago, so that is great.
he has a tendency towards the "i am vastly superior to you - yo, i'm here to tell yah" and that got old after a couple years.
timmy (little brother) is alright and way more tolerable than david (sometimes) but they only come one at a time. thank goodness.

issues

2004-09-19T02:18:00.000-05:00

here i go again. another part time job. no biggie.
it is just part time and answering phones? folding boxes? - i mean - come on. cake.

wouldn't even mention it 'cept for this one kid.
this 19, soon to be 20, year old kid i work with.

appears to be rather confused about his gender.
way over-dramatic in his re-telling (the entire store) of his escapades. annoying.
constantly sings rap songs in this high pitched .. voice?
says girl with such a drawl that it grates the last nerve on my toe.
i counted girl coming out of his mouth no less than 7!! times in one sentence.
says he is a girl. who am i to disagree? not i.
my words to this child?

i could care less.

i don't want to hear about your little romps sucking dick.
i don't want to hear your .. oh .. i could go on. i'm sure you get it though.

thank goodness they don't allow him to dress in his "drag" at work.
it's harsh enough to see the wig and fake nails and the pink purse.
oh - and the lip gloss .. my goodness. this is all contrasted rather nicely with the dirt crammed up behind his ears, the halitosis that knocks-s-s-s .. and the ..
never mind.

so .. it will come to a head with me and him/her? it?.
(sorry, no, really i am)
i am going to tell him what i see.

how demeaning, how disrespectful his behavior is to me as a woman.
in his pretense of being sexually challenged, he invades my sense of what is proper behavior in the work place.
(no less - in public - i mean - come on! but that is another issue really)

so why should i have to be subjected to this clown?
his antics do not amuse me.
dude - please ! call it what it is. you are an attention whore .. end of story.
all i see is gutter-trash.

reads

2004-09-17T02:20:00.000-05:00

china: readings on the middle kingdom

the pocket book of quotations

the lost books of the bible and the forgotten books of Eden

only three this time.

and the question ?

"the question is" said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."
"the question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master - that's all."
Lewis Carroll, through the looking glass

contemplation

2004-09-11T05:16:00.000-05:00

overwhelming

vetarra

mikepelaez

two of the many lists

house wears

2004-09-10T15:08:00.000-05:00

squeaky dryer taken apart and the fins repositioned. still making the awful squealing noise. belt looked ok. might be a roller. that means taking it apart again.
although the rollers looked fine from the back.
maybe where the drum is fastened to the face plate.

car fixed. alt was bad. a year of this and that and taking the car in and having the alt tested. three times it was tested. no ma'am the alt seems to be working fine. ok S replaced it and now it's working even finer with the new alt.
now to replace the blown lights all over from the old alt charging the old battery to hard and blowing stuff out. think that's the way it works.

gathering materials to redo the roof. rain won't give us a break for long in order to actually get started. so we are still just collecting materials and getting geared up to do it. will have to be done fast once we actually tear into it. not looking forward to it but will be a good learning experience. looking at gutter to replace old gutter that disappeared.

[mom gets the whip out. get to it boys]

want to sell the house and move out of TN. we are looking at someplace out more in the booneys. maybe in wash state or colo.
being closer to jake would be nice. that will take time.

no zzzzz's

2004-09-02T03:11:00.000-05:00

insomnia kicked in hard. not sleeping much again. has to be the change in the weather.

'nother driver in the house

2004-08-06T13:37:00.000-05:00

jord got his driver's license - good going kiddo

now - you recall the "10 pts for the mailbox" game you pulled on me?
we don't really do that.

house wears

2004-07-24T22:50:00.000-05:00

ugg.
yard and driveway are all dirt now. we replaced the water main and regulator. get to start a-new with plants. will take some thinking.

later on

ack!
t-storms have turned the front yard into a mud puddle where we replaced the water main. two dump trucks of dirt coming this weekend and than gravel to redefine the driveway.
thinking of adding a - passion flower vine.

i love country living !

old names

2004-07-02T22:28:00.000-05:00

found out hope has died.
not going to go into this to deeply as i have mixed emotions concerning the person hope was and the way he lived his life.
he left here to head out to las vegas 5 years ago. regardless.

it's a small world.
one of the boys ran into an old "hanging out" friend of hopes' from vegas, in town.
telling me about it led to a discussion of "the family" which led to a discussion about the mayan/toltec calendar and then on to the galactic center.

which than led me to looking at nasa's site - found this gem.
APOD: September 11, 1999 - The Annotated Galactic Center

2012 - we shall see if all this "family", toltec/mayan stuff is for real or not.

gut reactions

2004-06-27T16:35:00.000-05:00

"Many years ago, it was the fashion to ridicule the idea of " love at first sight " ; but those who think, not less than those who feel deeply, have always advocated its existence. Modern discoveries, indeed, in what may be termed ethical magnetism or magneto-aesthetics, render it probable that the most natural, and, consequently, the truest and most intense of the human affections are those which arise in the heart as if by electric sympathy - in a word, that the brightest and most enduring of the psychal fetters are those which are riveted by a glance."
Poe - The Spectacles

mia/pow bracelet

2004-05-29T13:16:00.000-05:00

the wall

listed my bracelet that i've had since forever.

toes

2004-05-27T17:50:00.000-05:00

broke my little toe. again.
this is the second time i've broken a toe in the last couple of years. son of a gun it hurts.
need to move the furniture out of the house or get the boys to stop moving it around.